Essays, opinions and rants

Overheard

Overheard

It has been one month today since the four of us began isolating together. When we eventually emerge, we’ll probably want to run screaming from some aspects of our confinement. But there has been quite a bit I hope never to forget, including these conversation highlights.

Whit, age 11:

How old do I have to be for my first tattoo?

So I wasn’t made by having sex? (followed by discussion of IVF)

2020 feels like it’s been going on for years

I heard there’s a website where you can spend Bill Gates’s money – you can buy Lamborghinis and laptops and stuff

You’re 20 yrs older than Payton’s stepmom

Remember when dad would shave his face every day?

Can I have a sip of that? (eyeing my wine) 

What’s abortion?

What’s pot?

How on earth is the world going to get back together by Easter?

I love how dad makes a little slurping noise every time he takes a sip of wine. With his mouth closed! I don’t even know how he does it.

Jace, age 15:

How much do stocks cost?

I’m queerantining.

Your husband seems to be in a bad mood

I still can’t believe her name was Pussy Galore – that was on purpose, right?

Everyone in this movie needs chapstick (Mad Max Fury Road)

Spiked air??? That’s like when I open dad’s flask and sniff it.

Say what you will about Matt Damon, he’s got a nice tuchus

Pete:

What is going on with you, you’re turning into some deep south-cartoon character hybrid

Why can’t Lord Incompetent carry his own brownie?

I think this might just be the best day of my life (standing in garage looking around after five hours organizing/cleaning)

Me:

OMG Daniel Craig is younger than me

Please go shower. When you sat down I got a wave of smell. Not a horrible smell but not a good smell.

I need a full almond inventory

Gravity is coming for us all

Are you laughing because of my voice?

Speaker unknown but somebody definitely said it:

What’s the difference between boy bands and dodgeball?

You married the right guy

You smell like chapstick. Or like that kid smell.

It’s a fine line between Owen Wilson and Emperor Palpatine.

Can you stop making mouth sounds?

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