Essays, opinions and rants

Laughing in the Face of Doom

So much about 2020 has been deeply unfunny. The past months have felt like occasion to STFU for the most part; to think, read, listen, volunteer, and as a friend often says, “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

So that’s what we’ve been doing, as well as baking, hiking, camping, cocktailing, consuming unhealthy levels of news and separating the kids when the bickering becomes unbearable, which is almost daily. (Pete and I used to stage fake bickering sessions to demonstrate how excruciating it is. They would be horrified, cover their ears and run or beg us to stop, so you’d think they’d internalize the message, but no. We gave up and went back to the basic old-school iron-fisted “I don’t care who started it, go into different rooms” thing.)

Our shutdown-followed-by-reopening didn’t work, in terms of statewide success, and everyone is pissed and no one has a good answer for anything. The Black Lives Matter demonstrations have been depressingly misunderstood and dismissed by far too many people who keep spouting offensive racist bullshit while simultaneously insisting they’re not racist. Ugh. Various other current events are just as fucked up.

It feels like a good day for a short break from the heavy stuff. Here are family favorites overheard in month 2 of quarantine:

Whit:

What’s a bourgeoisie?

I’m never gonna have any drugs ever. What’s the point when I have sugar?

I don’t know what vacuuming is

If I’m talking to you I’ll say ‘mom’ and THEN I’ll say the question 

People say the moon landing might be fake

Mother! Hypocrite!

Only psychopaths eat Mac and cheese on a plate

I. Hate. Pirates.

‘Don’t be silly???’ Isn’t that what you got married for?

You always interrupt me for the most common sense things

If I ask for food, can you not say bananas for once?

I don’t like the smell of yard work and dirt and grossness, but I do like the smell of couches

Mom, the first thing she said was Gazambazams! (First time listening to Brass in Pocket)

This like the boomer version of the song we listened to right before this (Fiona Apple after Billie Eilish)

Jace:

Birds aren’t real

Here’s the part where we talk about the communist manifesto 

I think it’s funny they let him take scissors on the plane (watching Midnight Run)

They take your jacket? There are stairs on the plane? Airplanes now are so much shittier (Midnight Run)

Just call him pretzel bladder (still Midnight Run)

I wasted so much of my life not liking onions, I’m trying to make up for lost time

Can we throw this weird fur clump away? I don’t know what it is

One of my greatest fears is going to a college where there’s no Trader Joe’s 

Jack Sparrow seems like an ambiguous man in every way (watching Pirates of the Caribbean)

The daffodils look like demogorgons 

Virginity is a social construct 

Why didn’t you ever tell me Prince was 5’2”?

What’s the consensus? Are we losing our minds or slowly becoming more intelligent?

Pete:

It’s my Laura Ashley loincloth 

It started with the jellyfish 

Try not to be such a sourpuss

Don’t play ball in the house

Me:

I’m going to put on a more publicly presentable pair of…leg coverings

You don’t even make your bed, why do you need throw pillows?

If I’m going to listen to you talk you have to pronounce the words correctly 

You infected him with your Owen Wilson virus

Owen Wilson kinda changed our life, didn’t he?

My hair is like those horrible monster guys marching across Mordor…the Orcs.

We don’t even have to buy gas anymore, we have more money for wine!

Is there a band aging better than Pink Floyd?

Bernie Sanders, leave me alone! (Seems like so long ago. Now Biden is relentlessly pursuing my money.)

Porter conveys this thoughts nonverbally.

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